we all love you

Four years on... I'm still hurt... My heart still aches.. although not as much as before...

There are no words available in my limited vocab that can describe the feeling of your heart breaking... hurt by the one person you love and also hurt by another person u truly care and had trusted. No one really understand what I went thru for the past 4 years. And I didn't believe anyone who said "I understand what you are going thru." Cos as far as I am concern, no one actually cared abt me or been thru what I went thru. 

I just want to say to those out there. Who have the intention of breaking the heart of the person who loves you. And the person you once loved. Do we really deserve that kind of treatment just because you tot you found greener pastures? I am not saying that I deserve your love or that I should be loved by you in return. After all those years... If u haven't, do some serious thinking. If u have, good luck in your future endeavors.

But now, 4 years on... I realise, I am actually really happy for them. Except for those times when I really really missed those old times at TP library, Seletar Dam and many more adventures we had when we were young. I am also happy that he kept his word. If he ever broke his words... he'll end up having a broken neck. Actually I still hope he remembers what he promised me one night during a MSN session... But so far so good... 

But one incident happened early this year that I kinda have to rake up the past and i'm sorry for the individuals concerned.

A message to someone I really cared about: 

I understand what you are going thru except maybe it's worse for you as you were so in love and that I knew you gave everything you could in the relationship. Your eyes were always filled with love whenever we talked abt her when she's not around. You eyes beam with pride whenever you talked about her regardless the topic. Your face glows whenever you were reading an sms from her. Your voice filled with hope when you talked about your dreams and future with her. I truly understand the fact that you need sometime away and recollect your thoughts and plan the future differently this time. The near future at least. For me... I had a group of close knit friends who was there for me. I didn't exactly run to my family when it happened to me and that was a mistake. I ran away and isolated my self from you guys. But you are lucky to have all of your family behind you. I never once doubt that you will be able to make it through this ordeal like how you have made thru others. You know you can talk to me. But u have to remember that it took me 3 years to get over it. Although sometimes I still get the pangs of it. Take care of your health. It's okay. Semua takdir Allah. Dah tak ada jodoh. Minta keredhaan Dia in whatever you do in the future. Insya Allah, he'll show you the way. Don't ask Allah to make your life easier. Ask Him to make you stronger. :)

in the words of Russell Peters: Be a Man.

Love,

your one and only, Kak Lah.

p.s: I hope and pray that no one will ever have to put themselves in my shoes.

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
Was the hardest part
And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining in the clouds
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
You really broke my heart
And I tried to sing 
But I couldn't think of anything
And that was the hardest part

I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
You're a silver lining the clouds
Oh, and I
Oh, and I
I wonder what it's all about [x2]

Everything I know is wrong 
Everything I do it just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
Oh and thats the hardest part
That's the hardest part
Yeah, thats the hardest part
That's the hardest part