miss...

I dunno if I had said this before... but..

I miss siting next to Zahidah and talking loads and loads of crap and making each other laugh...

I miss laughing with Zahidah about Wahidah you is sleeping next to Sharifa who is oblivious to the fact that her partner is sleeping...

I miss looking at Sharifa adjusting her hair while looking at the small mirror that is place on the table in class...

I miss having a heart to heart talk with Zahidah and Sharifa...

I miss having to think hard and try to understand what Aisah is talking about... I also miss telling Aisah to slow down and pronounce every word properly...

I miss writing in the Buku Haram and passing it around...

In short.. I miss the Sorority Sisters 05.....

art othman

p.s: Irah... Not that I dun miss you... but I meet up with you quite regularly lah babe... 

p.p.s: Hey pple... I will be in KL (again!! yes I know) this weekend till Monday...

puas sudah aku menjadi kesilapan mu...

“I know a girl; she puts the colour inside my world…”

So you thought you have been misunderstood. And that I am all wrong about you and that no one will understand you and can give you what you want. Nobody seems to be catering to your needs. And then I sympathizes you… wrong I was.

“I’ve been down so low people look at me and they know….”

I've stopped laughing... but I haven't stop making people laugh. I don't believe they should be deprive of happiness and sincere laughter. It's weird that I am still sane when I'm plagued wtih mixed feelings every single day.

“when my head is strong but my heart is weak…”

Was it my fault that I followed my emotions rather than use my brains? Why did you have to use mental strength against everyone?

“when you get what you want but not what you need…”

What I realize is that you are just trying to fill up the void that has been emptied for so long. It didn't matter to you how you are going to do it. It didn't matter who it was. You are just out to *echo...* hey is that an echo from your soul?

"she'll tease you... she'll unease you... all the better just to please you..."

Just like a spoilt child. You give some but took it away expecting more. You gave me hope, and then you blame me for the same action that you did. I sick of being your play thing when you are bored.

“I lay down on your bed of coals, offer up my heart and soul…”

I do not expect anything in return. I do not need you to do things for me. I do not need the emotional coaster ride that you have led me to. The ups that I look forward to. The downs which ripped my heart out through my mouth.

“don’t you remember you told me you love me…”

At the hospital. On a clear moonlit night. Not too loud to let others hear you. But soft and clear enough to convince me that you meant it. I read it wrongly as fate would have it. Weird though, no matter how I tried not to remember, it kept coming up every time 'Ruang Rindu' goes on air.

“I tried to go on like I never knew you…”

A fool I must have been, to pretend that you are a stranger when you meant so much to me in my heart. My nonchalant attitude when it comes to knowing you. I am ashamed of my indifference. Even when you are so far away, it does not help make things any easier dude...

“there’s no light at the end of the tunnel tonight…”

I was trapped. There was no way I could escape for I am in too deep. I tried to breathe, gasping for air. Clawing my way out did not help for I was only hurting myself in the end. Is that a scratch I see? Will the wound remain there forever to remind me of the emotional hell that I went through.

“I don’t want to waste another day… keeping it inside is killing me…”

So I went to the same hill and let it all out at 3am in the morning. All the replied me was cold air. Telling me that my questions won’t be answered tonight. There I stand at the spot where we sat. Angry. Stoned. Cold. Alone.

“there’s a light… a certain kind of light…”

I made and error in judgement yet again. But it is not going to keep my from giving up everything single time. Will I finally be able to let all these go...??

“a new day has come…”

"mengapa? aku yang terluka. aku yang merana. aku yang menahan sisa baki cinta ini...."

all about eve...

"aku yang lemah tanpa mu..."

You see... You gave me strength to move and charge on the last time... You are some sort of guru that have the capability to know or see through others and pin point their weakness and use it for your own gain... 

"hanya ingin kau tahu, besar nya cinta ku... tingginya hayal ku bersama mu..."

Not that I can see the future but I knew there was something between us... or maybe I imagine too  much... but that can't hurt right?

"izinkan ku mencuri khayalan dengan mu..."

That night when we both were under the stars on that hill, I was confuse of what was going on. Your actions didn't help untie the complications that I had in my head. More and more questions rang up in my head... you just can't deny the vibes that night... you can't... but you will have reasons to say there was nothing...

"kau datang dan pergi oh bergitu saja..."

I don't even have to explain the meaning of this... those times you left me alone... you won and left me wondering... when you came back I can't even get myself to commit to think if I'm angry... if you come back again that is...

"kini hanya duka, bersulamkan pasrah..."

We are from two different worlds... but when I'm with you... nothing else matters... it's like there is only the two of us and I'll be on cloud nine... but it was you who choose not to be a part of my life and the ball is pretty much in your court...

"namun semuanya berubah dalam sekelip mata..."

What I thought was normal was obviously not normal to you... Every other night I toss and turn in bed thinking where it could have gone all wrong. Thinking which part of it all could have been avoided to make it all better...

"relaku menunggumu... seribu tahun lama lagi..."

Till the next time we meet again... I wonder when that will be... will I still be the same person... will you not change? Will I really wait or have a change of heart and move on... should I move on? I already waited twice... What would I look like if I waited some more?

"tak ku sesali cintaku untukmu"

Everytime when someone walked away from me, I will not consider it as love lost... it will somehow find me in future... may not be in form of the one that I would love but nevertheless would love me for who and what I am... I am human after all... 

"tanya sama hati mengapa merindu..."

You are so far away. Distance and absence made the heart grew fonder but in your case... it fades... and again you made me wait and wonder...

"ku tinggalkan memori bersama mu... ku undur diri bersama harapan..."

You built a wall around you that even the Great Wall seem nothing in comparison. You have repel those who truly love and cares for you for you think that they are all one and the same... you though wrong but you won't realise...

"semakin aku hitung dalam cinta... tiada kuasa mampu mehalangnya..."

towards a free country...

I sure most would have notice the countdown counter in my blog and my multiply.

So last week, I finally bought my plane ticket online through nwa.com/asia. Then I bought my traveling insurance through income.com.sg. I notice that NTUC Income quoted the lowest premium for about the same coverage. I checked the quotations from AIG and also AVA. And decide to buy from NTUC Income. It's quite easy actually and cheaper by $5 if you pay by Credit Card. I recommend that all of you should buy Travel Insurance everytime you guys are traveling, even if you are going to Malaysia. Like seriously. You never know what can happen to you when you are traveling. Yes, it's a joyous occasions but what the hell kan? Bak pepatah melayu, Suka suka, lama lama jadi Duka. So just as a pre-caution and at a small price you will feel safer.

So Kak Imee is also going to the US on a working trip in October/November. Not sure when... If I ain't wrong she's going to the East Coast whereas I'll be at the West Coast. For now I am going to assume that the weather will all be the same. Oh yeah Kak Imee.. kalau ader extra US Dollar, boleh lah donate to me...hehehehehehe

So Hari Raya was a quiet affair, just like the past years. Will update on Hari Raya in another entry...