secret stash

I believe and am pretty sure that I am the only one with the hardcopy of this picture... this was taken about 7 years ago at Amoy Quee Camp during Specialist Course. Look at how they have grown.... Ok. at least look at how I have grown... hahaha but Praises to God that I do not have that weird centre parting hair anymore... mUahahahaAhahaha WTH....

the ultimate breakdown

right... so i was in my room.. minding my business... doing my school assignment.. but nothing was flowing...

that was when... my right hand just shove everything away from the table and down to the floor... but i was still sane enuff not to throw my macbook down... i'm just so fed up with everything that is going on in my life right now...

i'm just so very tired... i just cannot take it anymore.. there is just too much for me to handle... and little did i noe i was about to blow my top... no warning.. it just happen... now i need to clean up the mess that i made earlier...

i'm so tired...

i'm so stressed...

i'm so giving up...

i have no idea what i want anymore...

for what i need is not within my reach....

thank you irah and halijah... thanks for the short but yet needed break.... thanks..

the concerts

Okie.. I wanted to talk abt the two concerts I went... but i'm not... well.. at least not now... for now i wanna grieve!!!!

I AM NOT ABLE TO ATTEND CELINE DION CONCERT IN KL... firstly.. it's in KL.. next.. it's in the middle of the week... and I have to attend court on the day before and the day after the concery.. how weak is that??? I can't believe that I'm not able to watch the living diva perform... come on peeps... laugh all you want at me.. but i'm sure once in ur life before u caught ur self singing her song or the least humming My Heart Will Go On... you dun bedek k?

Let's just hope I can go to USA... the only thing that is left for me to look forward too....

why we need flamingoes in our lives....

just felt the need to add this photo.... I LOVE THEM BOTH...

my flamingoes...

not asking for much

Hey.. usually when my topic sounds like that... it's very much the opposite....

okie... I'm so excited... hehehe I casually mention to my mum my intention of visiting nofy end of the year... here's how its goes..

Me: Mak, I'm going to US end of the year...

Mak: Bila?

Me: Nov - Dec gitu. 

Mak: *silence* (maybe she would have wanted to kill me)

so... silence.. what does that means?? Does it means 'yes' or 'no'? Me being me... will take it as a Unhappy Yes. Mabbe dlm hati dia, dia cakap "Mcm ye-ye aje anak aku nie... nak gi US jauh2..." haahaha... buat fitnah pulak aku ni.. hahaha so I'm hype... so freaking hype... plus there might be events in Nov where I would wanna avoid... and some other events in December which I don't really feel like going... Well... maybe I shouldn't get too excited... another 8 mths to go... lot of things can happen in 8 mths... I could die... plus I might not get that plane tix due to lack of sponsors... the return tix to portland,oregon on northwest airline will set me back $1770.

next topic I wanna talk about is totally out of this world.. at the very least my world... I saw the most gorgeous thing ever on monday... I was out with some friends to meet for a last minute dinner (my OCI let me off early).. then my friends wanted to buy handbag and we headed to DFS opposite Far East... then we went into LV.. as my friend was browsing the catalogue... I had to kaypo2 go and see the page where it had the iPod casing... I totally fall in love with it... you see.. those who know me.. knows that I'm not into this kinda things... Now... i can't stop thinking about it... So i asked the guy the cost of the casing... arghz.. it's over my budget by $30 bucks... okie.. i'm not paying a dime more than $400 for it... i'm still crazy abt it... we'll see how the performance bonus goes... maybe i might just get it.. next month... or if any kind soul who has $430 to spare... I don't mind one... it's the iPod Widescreen Casing Damier canvas... but it's okie if i don't get it.. it's not like i'm some kind of spoilt bitch who must have all the things that she wants... *sometimes only lah* my current casing is still very much in order and it is from a very dear dear friend... who is also a member of an impulsive buying and no restraint club set up in 2007.

oooohh..... and i went marc by marc jacobs too... they got some really nice handbags... and bottega veneta... i like the interior though... and the salesperson very nice... it was pretty obivous that we aren't getting anything that day... but they way she served us... I wouldn't mind forking out $7000 for a handbag... but nevertheless.. i don't even have $70 in my bank (nampak sah bedek eh...) but weaves aren't my type... back to LV... i saw this Manhattan PM Monogram.... maybe I get to carry it during Hari Raya this year... but sorry kids.. no green packets from me.. hahahah

okie.. i don't know why, suddenly, I'm turned into a minah... and talking abt handbags in my blog entry.. (no offence kak Imee) this is sick...

I STILL WANT MY 24" display for Hedwig.... and wireless mouse... and a new external hardrive... I WANT... hehehehe.... oh... and motorola V9.. hahahahkz... still craving for Sinking Barge from crumpler.. now.. this sounds more like me!! hahahahahaha

One thing i know for sure is that my sister won't read this (she only go to blogs that has lots of pictures... cos she's too lazy to read...) so she won't laugh at me for having a temporary minah moment... and kak eity is one HOT MUM who won't laugh at her cute cousin... (i puji u already ah better not laugh at me) and kak imee... well no one really takes her seriously... hahahahahahahahaha so i'm basically safe from the lepakgang "kutuk".... 

every waking day... take my breath away...

Saturday.... I'm suppose to be doing school work... well.. no... let me start properly... I have so much to say that everything wants to come out now..

Firstly.. Yesterday, work ended quite early... I tot maybe i get to meet Nor for dinner after all.. then it started to rain slightly... and my colleague asked if I'm going to for class... well I had no choice but to go since he already asked... 

Surprisingly... school ended early too... so I was home by 10.15pm. Usually, I'm still in school even at 10.30pm. I wonder why everything end early. Maybe somehow they knew I had a rough week this week... well.. I did pray to God to ease my pain n misery... I guess that is His way of showing that He is answering my prayers, so that I can go home and rest early...

I woke up about 10am today... and I headed down to Causeway Point to have a haircut... U see I can't keep long hair.. either I'll get sick or will have pimples breakout or.. something "bad" will happen... so cutting hair is like a symbol of throwing away bad luck... Now that my hair is short.. I hope I won't have a problem with rain when I work next week... 

Now... I realize that I have to upload some pictures that was taken back during the Chinese New Year outing with the cousins... I don't remember if I had upload them... but I'll just do it again.. and later just delete if I had indeed uploaded them...

I had actually planned to go back office to do some paperwork which I unintentionally ignored this whole week... hehehe... some are really overdue.. I think... and I wanted to use some quiet time at office to do some reading for school. The construction outside my window is in full swing.. for they had stopped work during the heavy rain for the past few days. But my sister wanna use the car... so I head back home after the haircut... and here I am at home blogging... so I'll definitely go back to work tomoro... or maybe later asked my sis to gif me a ride to office... I really got lots of school to do.. some notes are collecting dust... 

I JUST FREAKING REALIZE I LEFT MY THUMBDRIVE AT WORK.... shittos...

oh well... I finally bought my long awaited printer... it's multi-functional... but w/o fax. I don't need faxing at home... I did not get my DELL LCD display nor the Samsung one... maybe in September... hehehehe I also bought a new 4GB flash drive from SanDisk.

I'll be back to upload photos.... see ya guys later....

just when

today will be a memorable day for me... hahahah okie lah.. one of the memorable days for me...

today started off as normal as it can be...

we left to go for "work" outside office... and just when i thought things are getting a bit too routine... an exciting event happened... but before it became exciting... it did make my heart beat twice as normal n my hand shaked like a vibrating pager... what ever happen today at work, reaffirmed my belief that I had made the right career choice... although sometimes it frustrate me... but i dun think many of my friends get to go thru wat i have been thru and will be able to say... "i have seen life. and i had save a life from the worst possible death"... watever that happen today will forever be etched in my heart... i just hope it does not occur again... and my leg hurts now... some 6 1/2 hrs later... hehehehe

i have been so busy this week... yeah yeah... looking for MSK... i bet by now 99% of Singaporeans would have known wat MSK means... hehehe... and today alone, i've got three offers to meet up with different batch of frens... too bad i had to say no to all three to be fair... plus i was werking late... so it's not fair to keep them waiting for urs truly either...

to Ira, Jajah and Teem: Thank you for understanding... i guess ur job scope made the whole situation easier to comprehend. "bergerak...wahai demi untuk negara...."

to Nor, Yany, Nadia and Amalia: Wished i was there catching up with u guys... Nor, I guess being fren with me this long have made u half officer and half not-officer... 

to Fana, Faz n Mira: Oh man... I dunno how many times I made u guys wait for me to appear just to disappoint you guys over and over again... aku tak tahu mana nak letak muka aku ini...

to Aiman n Bapak: Thank you for opening the door when i come home... luckily i dun haf to kick open a door for the second time today... *hint hint*

to you: Thank u for that SMS... it made me feel better... *winkz*

looking on the brightside, i dun haf to werk this weekend... hope to get proper rest time at home.. and catch up on my studies...

can't wait to go to werk tmr(fri), which is now... or more like later..., i hope things will relax a little bit... 

cheers....

rimas...

The song the currently reflects my life...


Lari, lari, lari
Aku lari tingalkan semua ini
Untuk mencari, cari, cari
Ketenangan diri

Pergi, pergi, pergi
Engkau pergi dari hidupku ini
Ku tak mahu, mahu
Engkau hadir dalam diri ini

Keluhan hatiku tak siapa yang tahu
Ku simpan semua sebak di dada
Biar ku yang terluka
Pernahkah kau mengerti caraku memujukmu
Pernahkah kau hargai caraku mencintaimu

Lafaskan kata dari bibir
Adakahnya dari hati
Mungkin kau tak fahami maksudnya yang tersembunyi
Titisan air mata dari pipi ke bumi
Pernahkah kau peduli betapa sedih diriku ini

Mengapa
Aku yang terluka
Aku yang merana
Aku yang menahan sisa baki cinta ini
Engkau yang meminta
Aku yang sengsara
Rimas, rimas aku rimas

how fee and elsa and m daud kilau made it all better

i had a nice dream sunday nite... the nite where i was afraid to sleep... i dreamt that i was talking to fee and elsa... and at the same time i was watchong m daud kilau.. sweet... hahaha

also.. now i'm talking to fee on skype... and we are exchanging pantun... fee is the one who tot me how to pantun.. of cos we do it the most merepek way available... here are a few that we tot of tonite...

On Selangor being under PAS now... thinking how we are going to KL now...

Datang ke KL naik basikal,

Kayuh dari Singapura.

Kayuh basikal terkial-kial,

kita tak pakai tudung boleh masuk ke?

On Mas Selamat being in Malaysia...

Pak Ahmad pergi mencari bini...

Dia mati cari tak sempat.

Dari jauh datang ke sini,

Dengar-dengar sini ada Mas Selamat??

Purely for entertainment purposes: 

Hamba orang, orang seni,

Orang seni tanam padi.

Alang2 kita dah kat sini,

Mari lah kita mabuk tody...

-mabuk mabuk mabuk... bersama... K*mz*-

Pasal Baini tak suka angkat talipon:

Cik Ahmad pergi ke rumah Cik Pon,

Cik Pon tak ader di rumah dia pergi Holland.

Kenapa Baini tak angkat talipon?

Pasal dia berada di London!!!

Pasal Hanisa punya student nama Babi.

-note from me: we haven't started but we've already started laughing-

Main hujan baju basah

Basah-basah kena sula (????? apa ni fee???)

Apa kenama student Hanisa?

Senang saje,"eh Babi come here..."

For Fahrin Ahmad from Fitri dalam segment Pantun Seminit bersama Kakak Feefee @2am

Kuih Lepat Kuih senyonyong(a made up kuih by fitri)

Kuih Talam Kuih Puteri

You tolong ambik kan I gayung...

I nak gi mandi...

Kuah Rendang makan Serunding

Makan Lepat Makan lempeng

Muka you mcm i nak tempeleng

Hensem punya pasal i pukul je dgn piring

fear

after my angry rantings yesterday....

here comes something else...

I guess some heartbreaks never leave... no matter how much u want things to be better and be like what it used to be... it can't be forgotten... for the scar forever remains... the smell of betrayal in the air... the sound of betrayal all around... the touch of betrayal thru the vacuum... 

like what i told nini... Maybe God has other plans for me... i really hope he take this misery away from me soon...

is it possible to die of heartbreak/ache?? as i'm afraid to go to sleep... for i fear i might never wake up...

Good Luck to the both of u... may u be happy forever... and i'm sincere...

God.. u know how much i have been trying to get over this... but i keep failing... pls dun give up on it.. i'm trying very very hard... i really do want to be happy like before... please... make me stronger than i already am...

sleeping with one eye open

sometimes.. i can make the worse decisions in my life without me noticing it... until much much later.. then again.. isn't that always the case?

when i applied for school last year... i had no idea that this year would be a hectic one...

when i confirmed my entry in december last year... i had no idea how busy i would be this year...

seriously if u were to asked me and want an answer that is true to my heart.. "how are u feeling aidiah?" i would answer "i'm so tired. i'm so stressed. i'm so lost. i miss my mum. i miss my siblings. i miss my family so much that it hurts. here i am at home every night but i didn't get to meet my family cos they r asleep by the time i get home and i'm still in bed when they leave for work/school. I don't know how to make anything better cos i'm exhuasted. from work and school."

i haven't seen nor and had a proper chat in like ages... i haven't seen fiza and amin in a million years. i haven't lepak and groove with feefee in a gazillion years... and i seriously forget how shidah and ida looked like... i guess the last time i saw them was like what??? when the dinosaurs roam the earth??? let's not even talk about how man times i have been disappointing faz, fana and mira... i'm like the worse fren ever...

times like these i'm so glad that i am not a relationship or anything... cos it will just add on to more stress... and it unfair to him... oh boy...

i'm not blaming school or anyone for this problem i'm facing... there are those who is worse off than me... i have a superior who was in office for 24 hours only to go home for some 9 hours before returning to office to continue leading the team... 

just now at work... i was told that i can't run anywhere next week... i'm more than happy to oblige... well... since i'm already so busy.. let's just stay busy... i hope i can make it thru this bad weather... plus it is my responsibility and it a challenge that i can look back on one day in the future and say... "hey i made it thru that...."

looking forward to siti nurhaliza's and maroon 5's concert end of the month...

some would say it's just the starting of the year and to gif it a chance.. i've forgotten what happen in january this year... and it's like 1/4 of the year already... someone must be joking... 

i need a break... i really do... 

OH MAN SERIOUSLY... I AM SO ANGRY!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA...

and all this.. thanks to our "terror" fren who decide to leave some place without permission and choose to hide himself... pls dude... do 1000++ MHA officers a favour.. give up k... u are NOT helping anyone by thinking you are doing any good... menyusah kan org will only earn u a place in hell... u r not helping islam or proving anyone your point.. cos... if the majority don't agree with ur ideas.. something must be wrong somewhere... pls go back to ur cell and do some serious reflections... you have no idea how your irresponsible action have disrupt the lives of thousands of families. there are fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters out there who could have been at home enjoying their family warmth. if u think u deserve that too.. u should have tot abt it before thinking of commiting acts that is WRONG u idiot... i dun care how pious or smart u ah... u are the lowest form of life that should be shot dead... i'll make sure i won't let u off should i get u.. and u have been warned...

yes... I'M THAT ANGRY.... you pple don't have any ideas how tiring being a law enforcement officers is... and the worse part.. i dun see how my department has anything to do with this issue but... since we are all home team officers we must dedicate ourselves to help... and i'm so proud of my Minister for what he said in the Parliament. Sir, we are all behind you.

oh man... i want to scream.. i really do... i'm so so so so tired.... oh very so tired...

thank God that my parents are not working tmr and I get time off work this weekend... so i'm going to spend time with them the whole freaking day... and maybe can stop by the IT show.. to get my printer... and maybe the 22" samsung lcd monitor... too... and yes... that safari bed i have been eyeing since i saw the gurkhas using them...

i actually wanted to have short entry... but suddenly i got angry... 

arghz.... TMA's due on 26 march 08.... 

5 years down the road...

Five years ago this day... I took my driving test... and passed it...

I don't know why... but I guess driving is the only thing that I'm better at (than my sister)...

Oh.. and of course.. cooking...

I went out with my sister today.. to Parkway Parade... hmmp..

And I did the most impulsive thing in months since I last promise to STOP being am impulsive shopper...

We went out to look for a new TV... and I looked around at some other stuff and guess what?? I bought myself the long-awaited Battery Grip for Daffyd... haiz... now I need to buy an extra battery to make sure the Battery

 Grip is fully utilised...

IT Show's coming... hmmmp.. Canon Printers... here I come.. and Dell... if you give me a good deal for your 24" Monitors... I might just buy you too... hehehehe

Random Pic:

In her blog post a few days ago... she made a request to you, God. To protect her family, friends, strangers and cats/dogs from a certain someone who escaped from a detention centre. I am now asking you God to help me, to protect Feefee and the people that she had asked to be protected... please protect me from harm when I go to work later...